This is a crazy person confession. Brace yourself.
With everything that’s been happening in Japan and Haiti and Chile and Thailand. With the photos I see of the ice caps shrinking, and those commercials about the polar bears dying and how they have to walk miles and miles now over melting, crappy ice just to feed their babies. With all of that – I have a real fear that we’re all just killing the planet and by the time I’m 60, by the time my kids are ready to have their kids, the earth will look nothing like it does now. And I don’t even like composting!
For serious, this is one of those fears I never really say out loud, but the other night we were watching more Japan Tsunami footage and I totally started having a freak out. One of my biggest fears is having children, and then having the world fall apart and then having to try and protect them in a situation where no one is safe. And I know this sounds so extreme, and like I’ve been watching too many replays of The Road, but I worry about this when scary environmental things like this happen. I feel like yes, the media makes it extreme and give disasters pithy titles, and pimp the shit out of them for ratings. And I know that with more technology the world is smaller, and now everything is accessible in an instant so it feels like everything is bigger, closer, more intense. But I also am just straight up afraid that … it IS.
I feel like we are killing the planet, faster than we realize. I feel like greed and pride are the culprits. I worry that the environment is going to tick along, getting slowly worse, without any real wake up calls, and then suddenly it will be too late and everything will get bad and scary and horrible in a snap. And I guess the worst part is I feel helpless.
I recycle, I work to conserve water, I’ve decreased my bottled water usage dramatically, we use energy saving lightbulbs, I drive a fuel efficient car. But really? What the hell does that do when there is China – under a cloud of awful, toxic pollution – when there are massive oil spills killing millions of fish and sea life, when there is a super volcano in Yellowstone threatening to take out nearly a quarter of the United States whenever it feels like bubbling up to the surface.
I do my best to push this fear out of my mind, since the reality is if it’s going to happen in my life time, if the world is going to become a dust bowl of lifeless mess, then it’s going to happen without my consent. But AH! I feel like I can see it rolling toward me, down the road, and all we are doing is racing towards it. Is this totally nutso? I feel like saying this out loud is going to make me a complete crazy-face, but at the same time it’s possibly my biggest real life fear at the moment. So here I am – telling you I’m afraid the world is going to come to an end! Irrationally or not – ugh, it’s awful.