All through wedding planning I have been super reluctant to pull the I’m-The-Bride (and therefore I should get extra stuff and treated like a Somebody) card. When I went into bridal stores and the ladies asked who the bride was I felt weird (how bizarre, right? I am, indeed, the bride). If I was with friends or family I didn’t want to be singled out, or make anyone feel like they weren’t part of the special day too. When I went bridesmaid dress shopping in Seattle and Chicago I was totally pumped to go shopping when all of the attention would be on my friends and not on me. Yet – the saleswomen still asked who the bride was, still wanted to talk to me about my dress, the wedding, etc. And I so did not. I wanted to sit and watch my best friends try on a handful of dresses, take pictures, and play dress up with people who were not me.
I’m terrified of being the person who is all “Here comes the briiiiiiide!!” but at the same time I actually do think a few things should go my way. For example, my family is flying in to come to my dress fitting. They weren’t there when I picked out my dress and they are really excited to be part of the dress shopping experience. My dress was supposed to be in late Jan/early Feb. In the last week of Jan I called the store to check if my dress was in. I had not spoken to anyone since I bought my dress, but I was treated like an anxious bride who was impatient to play princess. I was told that they would call me when it came in, and I “just needed to be patient.” I bought my dress in August, I think I’m doing pretty good. When I tried to schedule my fitting for the weekend my parents are flying in (also to meet Kamel’s parents for the first time), I was told I couldn’t make any appointments – even tentative ones before my dress had actually arrived. Worst case scenario is my family arrives and I will not have been able to get my appointment for that weekend. That’s a pretty messed up worst case scenario.
Then, I went to book a hotel room – in our reception hotel – for my three bridesmaids and I for the night before the wedding. That way, we’re all there, we get to have a pre-wedding sleep over then wake up, get ready and go to our hair appointments at 9am. The first time I called they said they were out of the rooms I needed to sleep 4 people. I was confused because we had reserved a block of discounted rooms, so there should have been plenty. When I called my dad to double check this fact he asked if I had told them I was the bride. I had – but I had mumbled it quickly, almost as an apology. I didn’t want to seem too pushy or demanding. But I also wanted a room for my best friends and I. Then – I called the hotel directly (vs the big phone scheduling database) and although they had rooms magically available, they ended up charging me 60 extra dollars because I had more than 2 adults in the room. Really? My family is paying thousands of dollars and booking up 20+ of your rooms, and I really need to be charged extra money for using up all of the bed space? I really did feel like, “I’m the fucking bride, are you kidding me?”
I think demanding brides are obnoxious. People who think the world revolves around them are exhausting. And with weddings, the day is not just for the bride, it’s also for the families, the guests, the groom, etc. But! Has the wedding industry been trained to only adhere to the loudest girl in the poofiest dress? I don’t think scheduling a fitting in advance because I have special circumstances really puts that many people out, nor do I think it’s totally crazy to get a 60 dollar discount on a hotel room. I’ve heard that saying xyz is for a wedding makes the price sky-rocket, but can it also be true that if you say “No. I am the bride, and I need it this way” people will jump to your request and otherwise you’re going to get brushed aside?
When is it appropriate, if ever, to pull the I’m The Bride Card? At what point will it not evoke an eye roll and the mouthing of the words “Bride-zilla”? And have any of you gotten to the point where it was necessary?