Flashback Friday: Oh, We’ve All Been There

*Sometimes on Fridays I take a break from thinking up stories and interesting tidbits to share and delve into my currently unpublished blog that goes all the way back to Nov of 2006. Today we re-visit Feb 2008 Lauren as she stumbles along, trying to figure out boys. Sigh. We’ve totally all been there.

I had my first experience with the friend card yesterday. I was handed it liberally.

It’s such a slap in the face. Especially when the guy admits to realizing he was giving you “mixed signals”. Thanks dude, thanks for making me look like a crazy stalker just because you were making it very clear, and then suddenly very unclear, that you were into me. Gah. It’s a lot like getting stuck with the Old Maid card. Remember that game? Like, “hi… yeah we can hang out and stuff but I, under NO circumstances, want to sleep with you. Ever.” Sweet.

I handed out the friend card in the fall… and I couldn’t help but think that this was karma getting back at me. But then again, I wasn’t all about the mixed signals. I gave very clear “keep your penis away from me” mimes the whole time. I swear.

Moral of the story: I cried, my friends came to the rescue and made me feel better, and now I’m just irritated and considering the convent. Suggestions?

11 thoughts on “Flashback Friday: Oh, We’ve All Been There”

  1. My friend Stacey and I called it “the inky black darkness known as the Friend Zone.”
    What’s worse is the Friend Card that sneakily tries to turn into the Hump Card when he gets hammered.

    I really want to have boys, but if one of my sons ever does that to a girl, I’ll set him on fire.

    1. When it comes to kids I am terrified of having the bitchy mean girl. And I WILL NOT be one of those parents who is all “Not MY little angel!!” Eff that… I’m gonna know their sneaky little tricks and beat it out of em.

  2. I had that happen once after I’d been, um, canoodling with the guy for a few weeks. I tried the ol’ what-are-we conversation, and he made it clear he didn’t like me THAT WAY. but we could totally keep fooling around.

    (shattered heart!!!)

    the good news is, we all got over these terrible tragedies of douchebags past.

  3. hilarious. oh, the friend zone. i have a weird time putting guys in the friend zone now, even though isaiah and i are engaged! something about it seems very egotistical to me…”hey..i don’t know if you’re into me or not? but i just want you to know…we can ONLY be friends…you know, i’m engaged…” like i walk around assuming all guys are interested in me all the time or something, you know? weird. it’s a weird thing from either side.

    1. I just treat everyone like a friend. They would have to either kiss me, or come out and ASK ME OUT for me to slap the card down. Because the worst would be all “I just want to be friends” and have the guy be all “yeah. I know!….” and then I would die of shame.

  4. Ewww the friend card. Difficult to give out, worse to get.

    I once had the friend card handed to me by a co-worker. (Wait for it, this is good.) We were a fairly attractive bunch in that office, but he seriously thought he was the shit. Pulled me into the conference room one day to set me straight about how he “doesn’t date people he works with” and how he “wants (me) to know he isn’t interested in being anything more than friends.” This at a time when I barely knew his name.

    I may or may not have laughed in his face.

    1. SEE? this is why I almost never ever hand out a friend card unless I am 100% sure (probably by some amount of groping) that they are into me. Even if people are flirty at me, i’ll entertain it (hello, no sex no cheating! heh…) just incase they are simply being NICE.

      That guy was a douche. He seems to pretty to be deep.

  5. My one experience with this nearly broke me.
    Guy I had been friends with since I was 11, had dated once in high school, thought I was dating again at age 25.
    I had recently “escaped” the pentecostal church, and had been a good little Christian Virgin.
    We literally got to the end of my first time and he announced that actually he “just wanted to be friends and see where it went from there”. And then he wanted to have sex again!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
    Wrong answer!
    Shuffled him out of my bed, had a cry in the hallway followed by a long hot shower. Then I pulled the sheets off the bed and climbed into a sleeping bag for the night.
    I told my friends at work the next day I was in, and they got me to laugh about it – turns out he has a small…ahem… and when I recently told another friend from high school, she told me they had gone to do the dirty in his car one night and he had jizzed in his pants before they had even really gotten kissing!
    Oh, my first time may have been crap… But at least its a good story!

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