August of 2009 Kamel and I decided to go to the Puyallup Fair – Washington State’s BIG fair… if it’s not the biggest, it’s the favorite. I do not know these actual statistics. The fair is full of amazing food (scones, deep fried things, corn dogs), rides and games (my favorite is the horse race one where you roll the ball into the numbered rings and you try to get your horse to win the race), and every farm animal you could think of.
I love animals. Why do I love animals? Because at the fair they are all clean and pretty and they don’t have poop smeared all over them. I want to touch every cow, and peer – hesitantly – at every chicken in it’s coop, and watch the chicks running around in their incubator, and marvel at the horses on their way to their fancy horse shows. We spent the majority of our time going from animal barn to animal barn, taking photos, and eating food. It was awesome.
Until we got to the pig pen. I heard their were piglets and who doesn’t love baby animals regardless of animal type? No one I say. Especially pigs with their adorable snouts and pudgy little bodies. Squee! Except when we got there the overwhelming buzz was not over the baby piglets, but the mother.
I mean, I don’t know if this picture really does it justice… but those do not look like animal teets, ok? That’s a row of giant boobs if I ever saw one. The photo also doesn’t accurately show the crowd of people because they are all on our side, where the piglets are below us. Being cute and snorty at the fence. And then something happened that I couldn’t believe.
Kamel: Look Lauren, it’s you!
Me: What? No.
Kamel: Yeah, yeah… see? that’s totally you… like when you’re really sleepy.
Me: NO. That is NOT me. (this is where I am frantically aware of how many people are over-hearing this conversation right now)
Kamel: Yeah! See? Like when you want to sleep in and not get out of bed? That’s so you. That’s a Lauren.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me? Please stop. I don’t understand what’s wrong with you.
Kamel: Oh. OH. Well! I mean, I didn’t mean …
Me: Stop. Stop talking.
Kamel: Oh no. I’m embarrassed. I’m embarrassed now.
And then I scowled at him and we walked away from the giant pig mother and her mammaries. And then we ate a corn dog while Kamel continued to mutter to himself since he had clearly LOST his goddamn mind.