Today marks the end of my second month being 25 and the beginning of my third. This month has been insane, life altering, exhausting, and also a lot of the same ol same ol thrown in. Right now I am sitting in Maris’s living room in Chicago struggling to stay coherent. I don’t think I have ever been more exhausted during a period of time where I am not at work, do not have school, and most people would call this a vacation. I think if there was a tired meter I may break it. But back to the whole month 2 thing.
Life has taken me, chewed, and swallowed. My personal goals have been hard to find under all that mess. My accomplishments for this month are a finished chapter one of the new novel. Finished is a funny word when you apply it to writing, because, really that word means nothing. When I say finished I mean there is a story there. It has tension. I am pleased with this and hopefully other people will be too. And I’ll be working on it later. I’ve also started chapter two, but started really means I had one session of writing it and now I’m stuck. The issue is this part starts the bulk of the story – which happens to be set in Maine. My trouble is, I’ve never been to Maine before, and I’m feeling sheepish about writing about this place I know about only through books. I have a nagging itch in the back of my mind constantly telling me “go to Maine. go for a weekend. get on a plane and go” but then the other part of me is like “yeah, and plan a wedding, and pay your bills, and keep your job” and those things are currently winning. I didn’t keep track of how many days I didn’t write this month. There were too many and that’s shitty of me and I feel guilty. But life was happening, good life things, and stressful life things, and then the normal life things that keep me on my toes, and that’s ok. I’m never going to be a writer who stops living in order to inspire others to live, or to create worlds where other people live for me. And maybe that means I’ll never be really Great with a capital “G”, but maybe I’ll be happy. Next month though, meaning this month, I’m back on track. I want to succeed at this art of mine, I want to do what I’m good at, and I need to work harder at it. Fresh start and all that. Reset the counter.
With running I’m doing pretty well. Kamel and I have added wall pushups and sit ups to our mornings and before he headed to mexico and I went to chicago, we were doing a really good job of keeping each other on track and running most mornings. In order to get into wedding shape I also need to stop eating like crap. This begins once I get back to SF tomorrow. But that’s more about my constant battle with the 5-10 lbs that seem to creep up on me, and less about my training for an easy six miles. The easy six miles is currently at a moderate three with much less walking between my running spurts and I’m on my way to an uneasy 4 miles.
This next month will bring apartment hunting, prepping for a trip to Seattle, and lord knows what else. I’ll keep you posted.