Shake Shake Shake Senora

When i first moved to San Francisco back in 2007 I kept running into this one episode of this one show called Worst Case Scenario… well maybe it was something else but if it wasn’t named that, it should have been (you get the idea). And when i say I kept running into it I mean I saw clips from this show 3 or 4 different times in a two month span. It must have been one of those discovery channel worm holes or something. Pesky. Anyways – this particular show was all about what would happen if San Francisco had The Big One. In all caps. More like The Really Really Big One. Well… let me tell you what would happen – of course both bridges would collapse (because this is worst case scenario TV) and because both the marina AND the airport (good thinking planner ppl) are built on landfill the eathquake would certainly send them both sinking into the ocean or something making both completely unusable. Of course the city would be engulfed in flames because of the gas fires (that actually did reek havoc in San Francisco in the early 1900s) and because all of the motherfucking houses TOUCH. Sheesh. So the citizens (ME) would be unable to get any supplies because boats couldn’t dock and planes couldn’t land. plus we couldn’t leave north or east because no bridges (west is ocean). The traffic would obviously be SO BAD going south that the most viable option is (as my mother puts it) to “strap on your walkin’ shoes and head out”.

Needless to say when I first moved to San Francisco I was terrified there would be a big earthquake. THE BIG ONE. Because it was just waiting for me to arrive, right? The earth timed itself perfectly. How nice. And it’s not like I haven’t been in an earthquake before. I have. Big ones, too (7.0 in seattle?). But this was San Francisco! And it’s supposed to float away! So i was nervous … until I went through two and then three smallish earthquakes and remembered – oh yeah, by the time my brain registers what it is, it’s over with. So I transferred my anxiety onto more pressing matters… like the mice in the walls or the homework pile overtaking my desk.

But then! I decided to move back to Seattle. And the summer before I left I thought – oh god, just three more months until I’m out of here and earthquake free! It’s coming down to the WIRE on this one! So once again I was nervous, gritting my teeth and thinking, “just hold on for a little while longer moving and growing earth, I’m almost home free!” And then I moved. And pheww! What a sigh of relief that was! Back to Seattle where they are awaiting their very own over do Big One. But I didn’t mind so much because Seattle is Seattle. It’s home and i will be forever safe there. Allegedly.

Fast forward 6 months and my decision to move back to The Danger Zone. Plus there was that big earthquake in Haiti and in Chile… the Chile one occurring as i was driving all my worldly possession straight toward the San Andreas. Yippee! Basically I have the fear again. Which makes it surprisingly difficult to drive over bridges by myself. I feel like that one episode of MTVs true life where they followed three people with phobias and one of them lived in New Jersey and couldn’t drive over bridges so he was pretty much trapped. Anyway – this new found anxiety will eventually disperse with time, but as it stands the repetition of “it’s going to be ok, just get over the bridge” that runs through my head about 30 times during my morning commute is rather disturbing. At least going over the bay bridge isn’t as bad as the golden gate. Eesh.

I guess we can file this one under: New Found Crazy. With capital letters to boot.

7 thoughts on “Shake Shake Shake Senora”

  1. Your comment above is slightly misleading. There hasn't been an earthquake in Washington State equaling or exceeding 7.0 since 1949 (which I'm pretty certain was long before your time; see: The quake I'm assuming you're talking about, the Nisqually quake of 2001 ( was a magnitude 6.8. I also understand that there may be a tendency to round this number up, but keep in mind that earthquake magnitudes are calculated by powers. Making a change to any magnitude a lot more significant (for an example of the significance of the difference in powers look at the difference between 9^7 and 9^8). Anyways, thought you might want to revise your statement above to be more accurate.

  2. See the question mark? It meant I wasn't sure. And when it happened the news, etc ranged it from 6.8-7.0. The only person you're making look like a jackass is you. So you can go ahead and keep up with your blowhard academic bullshit comments but don't think you aren't getting anything but an eye roll from every other person who reads this blog.

  3. You got an eye roll from me.

    Also, I think we will be okay here. If its not the big one that gets us, it will be the supervolcano. Or and Asteroid… Or our national debt 😉 Let's just not worry about that stuff.

    But not ignore it completely. That's why we should live in earthquake safe buildings and areas.

  4. Where would we be without internet trolls who make eye-roll-inducing comments? The internet would be a much less entertaining (albeit certainly less frustrating) place.

    Don't forget about the recent earthquake in Japan also (I feel like there was another too???)

  5. woah. waait a second.

    that very civil and informational anonymous comment above was not posted by me!

    but why so tense. are you not pooping regularly? you need fiber. and paper bags filled with candy. that'll make you poop something serious. if you eat fiber and candy in one day i promise you will produce a golden egg at the very least. and when you poop that golden egg all of the children in your neighborhood will run out with streamers in their hands and they will be singing "i've got the golden ticket" from the classic gene wilder film willy wonka and the chocolate factory. and you will be so happy that the next time someone differs in opinion with you, you shall not tighten your booty in furious opposition! you shall release a technicolor rainbow of light unto the world!!


  6. Even though you are a total Jackass and I hate you – that cracked me up for reals. First good laugh of the day goes to guy that never gets the point. Nice work.

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