Last night I had a drink with Maris and her law school friend Tina who reads this blog and has a fantastic twitter (tinakarenina) and we were talking about the first blog she ever read of mine. A post from my former blog which, turns out, looks a lot like this one, except much more inappropriate. Ah, memories. Apparently it was really funny. So funny, she said, she had to stealthily close her office door and cover her mouth so as not to draw attention. Maybe this is giving it a little too much build up, but I thought we would revisit it regardless.

Word Play: Penis
Gchat conversation with maris…..

me: hey when you say cock on eyebrow is that how you spell caulk?

Maris: …cock. on. eyebrow. ?

me: an AN AN

Maris: when you say COCK ON EYEBROW?

me: ANNNNNN. i cocked an eyebrow. is that the way you spell COCK? is that the correct COCK maris??

Maris: hahahaha yes i think so. i personally prefer it when people say dick an eyebrow though.

The Happiest Time Of The Year

Hello all my pre christmas people. WE SURVIVED IT. Well, most of you. Still hungover? Still have a room filled with boxes, tissue paper, and bags? Still sensitive about that one thing that one family member said? Rude, I know. I understand.

Mine was busy and stressful but nice and full of tradition (TRADITION!) which is about 3/4 the fun anyways. The other 1/4 is of course – FREE STUFF. I know, it’s about the spirit of the holidays and not the gifts… yeah right… everyone loves free stuff and everyone loves giving those angsted over gifts to everyone on their to buy for list. It’s fun! It’s once a year! It’s usually accompanied by lots of bad for you food and sedentary time. It’s the American Way. Oh the holidays.

I got some good stuff this year. And thank you notes will be finished once I get my christmas cards out. I know. Christmas was a few days ago and still no cards. They are more like “new year” cards anyway, don’t you think? It all works out in the end.

Anyways, so I was opening up presents on christmas, la di da, and one of the things I asked for was a new saute pan. My current gem has non stick surface flaking and scratching off. It’s been this way for about a year and since

A chemical in Teflon and other cookware serves up more than just food. The US Environmental Protection Agency announced that they have asked the 8 largest manufacturers that use chemicals known as perfluorooctanoic acid, or PFOA, to reduce production by 95 per cent by 2010 and to stop using it completely by 2015 because they have been shown to cause cancer and reproductive problems.

Thanks Internet

I’m pretty sure any lumps, mutated cells, or third arms on my children are a direct cause and effect of cooking and eating scrambled eggs.

So I got a new pan for christmas. YAY!! It has a cushy handle for all your air-flipping-secured-grip needs. And it had this friendly suggestion on the packaging:

It’s a great idea really – if consumers could cook whole meals before taking their cookware home, just to make sure it made that pot roast JUST RIGHT. Now that would make their guarantee really mean something. But seriously – how does that work? Try me. What exactly are we trying out? How it feels in my hand? The heft? Is there a button somewhere I should push that sings me a christmas jingle? Or maybe it’s just saying “Try me! er… I mean Buy Me! Cuz that way you’ll really experience the glory that is Belgique!” In that case don’t mind if I do. Thanks Mom and Dad.

This Life

Remember when I useda post easily once a day? I did. Sometimes twice a day. I filled the internet with my voice. And I was so busy! I worked full time and went to school full time and still had motivation to write and thoughts to share. Now I’m just tired.

It’s frustrating. I love my blog. I love my writing. But what is there to say?

The holidays are stressful. Buying gifts and making plans and suddenly my calendar is completely filled up. Plus I’m still working. And all I want to do is sleep. Maybe I’m just biased because it is before 7am. I need to finish my christmas cards. I need to finish a story. I need to finish wrapping. I need to finish a thousand emails that loom in my inbox getting crabbier and crabbier at me.

Last year I had all my christmas cards written by the first week of Dec. Wasn’t that nice. Had all my gifts handled by that time too. I miss getting up everyday and getting dressed for the office and singing with traci while I stared at excel for 3 hours filling in budgets. I miss the seagrass carpet.

I am fickle and the grass is always greener.

Last weekend I played jetsetter heading back down to SF for a Lucas holiday party with Kamel. I felt important and looked beautiful. I did for reals. See?

Kamel looked pretty too. When I show people pictures of him they first exclaim “nice teeth!” The other day at work someone told him he had pretty eyes. It’s all true. Dressing up is important. It reminds you who you could be if looking like this all the time was required. And then you walk 1/2 a mile in peep-toe-tee-strap three inch heels and remember why tennis shoes and rented movies are the usual.

Winter Guide To Seattle

It’s been awfully chilly here and yet claire and I have not been bold enough to turn the heat on. Reason number one: cash moneymoney. Reason number two: Scary floor board coils. Thank god for multiple comforters, sweats, and down. That clarifies that it is, indeed, winter in Seattle. I know the post confused you as it is December and all (it didn’t confuse you at all, did it? You were really on top of things, weren’t you?), now to my thinking about Seattle guides…

Over thanksgiving I took a nice, brisk stroll all around Seattle one afternoon and documented it on the twitter. Here are some of the goodies:

So i was wandering around taking pictures of things I saw and no matter how effing cold and rainy it gets i do kind of love this city. But I can understand if you’re new here why you wouldn’t. The thing about seattle – it has a lot of stuff going on, but it’s quiet about it. There’s interesting, unique bars and coffee shops to go to (like oddfellows , a nice little nook that’s both cafe and bar with a nice menu and quiet, relaxed, yet still hip(ster?) ambience), great museums, even better parks, cute neighborhoods, etc. But if you weren’t in the know it would be easy to get lost and feel like tehre is NOTHING , NOTHING i say, to do here. So here are five things to look forward to during a seattle winter.

1.) Coffee shops. This city is THE place for them. There are tons and tons and tons of coffee roasters here, with amazingly inviting coffee shops equipped with wooden tables, comfy chairs, and free wifi. If you want Starbucks, they are everywhere, but if you want something different, my personal favorite reading + tea spot is Victrola. The baristas can be snooty, but it’s a great place to disappear amongst the other coffee-shoppers and hide behind a laptop or book and people watch the hell out of it.

2) The monorail! It’s not just for tourists. It’s cheap, get’s you from the Seattle Center (Pacific science center? Children’s theater? Giant Fountains? Carnival Rides? Science Fiction Museum? Space Needle? EMP?) to downtown in 5 minutes, it comes frequently and has amazing views of the city found no where else, from a point of view seen no where else.

3) Lincoln Park. It’s so incredibly underrated. It’s huge, first of all, with tons of hidden fields for random frisbee or catch with the dog, pick up soccer/football/baseball games, and some kick ass play structures with a sliding swing, wading pools, etc. Then when you walk down to the beach there are unobstructed Pacific Northwest views of tree covered islands, the cascades, kyakers, the ferry, etc etc. Not to mention whale and bald eagle spotting. Even in the winter this place is Seattle outdoors at it’s finest and it’s only in West Seattle.

4) Chicago and New York are known for their Pizza and these styles can be found all over the country in some bastardized form or another. But, as I was proclaiming last night at Piecora’s on Madison, Seattle has a “Type” of pizza. The places I’ve seen it repeated and no where else: Olympia’s, Pegasus, Bill’s Off Broadway, and Spiros. If you haven’t been there, you should. Relaxed, good food, warm and inviting. Also – the salads are amazing.

5) To escape the rain: IMAX at the Pacific Science Center. They have normal movies but also really interesting documentaries and other films not playing in your everyday Regal Entertainment theater. To see an up to date list click here: http://www.pacsci.org/imax/

Ok, ok… so this wasn’t a list of awesome bars to go check out. But Seattle is about thinking outside of the box. There are a lot of nice night time places though. Maybe I’ll do a bar roundup – divided by taste and style – next time I’m in the travel agent mood.

Stay warm.

Oh The Public

As my co-worker mentioned today: The holidays are great because, although they bring out all the crazies, there are so many of them they don’t have time to really… sink in and stay awhile. Now move along, crazy, we have a whole line of neurotic awkward people demanding their baked goods behind you.

I don’t think I’ve really taken the time to showcase what dealing with the public on a daily basis is like here on the ‘ol blog. The problem with it is – most of the time it’s a “ya had to be there” scenario and it loses a certain je ne sais quoi in the retelling. But ya know, just in case you were curious, I thought I would share a few.

Today there was a guy hell bent on getting a bran muffin. We don’t sell muffins. Or bran.
“Hi, I’m looking for… do you have anything like a bran muffin?”
“Oh, no… we don’t have anything with bran but we do have these pumpkin trail cookies” (ahh yes, the customer diversion. We don’t have that but we do have this… BUY BUY BUY).
“Hmm… well I was really looking for something with bran… something healthy…. like a bran muffin.”
“Yeah….. sorry about that.”
I really did think he would leave. He also had a starbucks cup in his hand and I thought – dude – they have bran muffins… what the eff? But he stayed and kept stressing over our lack of bran and muffins. He eventually settled on some oatmeal raisin cookies. Almost bran, so there’s that. But then upon paying he’s still griping about the bran muffins. Yeah buddy, I wish that we had those too (no, not really, I don’t actually care).

Anyways, this is a theme. People get really weird about the things they want, the things they expect to be able to buy. And the things they don’t like. If we are selling something that doesn’t sound appetizing to a customer – a kind of sandwhich, soup, etc – more often than not they make a face when I give them the options or describe something to them, or they actually make a yuck noise. Like BLECCKK or something. I mean really? This is not your mom’s house. You don’t have to eat what we make you, I’m not forcing you to buy anything, so what’s with the attitude? When was the last time you went into a food service place and actually told a server that something you had yet to have was gross? And why does saying that even matter to anything at all? The amount of rudenss or weirdness I experience daily is mind boggling, but now I hardly notice it. If anything I laugh and give a coworker a look and then I forget about. Everybody’s weird. Everybody has bad days. I don’t take them personally unless it’s a customer that is always a certain way and then I just dread serving them. I can’t wait to put some of these characters in my writing. It’s funny how growing up you assume the majority of the population is a lot like you – until you actually see them, and realize most of them aren’t.