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The Plague Months

I’ve actually started getting used to being sick all of the time every winter. Last winter was the plague months, and this winter seems to be no different. No different at all. Except this time I’m pregnant and achy and quite possibly even more pathetic. But at least I’m not shocked by the fact that there has been at least 1 sick person in my house since early December and it’s probably not going to end until April.

I’m sitting at work right now experiencing waves of sweat that wash over me. This is what happens when you don’t offer sick leave, America. LOOK AT ME, SWEAT COVERED, COUGHING, SNEEZING AND GROSS. Look at what you’ve done.

Last year I was kind of devastated by the never ending terrible months and months of illness. This year I am such a broken human that I almost don’t mind that my apartment has completely gone to shit, we are scrounging the last remaining food stuffs out of our cabinets because who has energy to go grocery shopping anymore? And I’m pretty sure the piles of Kleenex that live in our car and on our couch and all over the floor will eventually be picked up. I mean, the toddler loves to throw things away… everything has a developmental purpose.

Yesterday when Kamel, who was also home sick, left to go get the baby from daycare I laid on the bed in my bathrobe, sweaty and gross and unshowered, trying to will myself to get up and shower because I knew that would probably make me feel better. The title page of a movie I had rented but not yet watched was looping on the TV in the living room and it had a very pleasant tune playing on repeat.

When I was 19 I went to Mexico with my rich boyfriend’s family over New Years. I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea how to be around people with money and I absolutely fumbled it. I felt poor and frumpy and I had mono and it was just the worst. But in our hotel room every time the maid service would do their thing they would turn the TV onto this station that just had a loop of aquarium fish and very calming music. To me that was the height of luxury – coming back to a hotel room with beautiful, spa-esque music playing and a loop of fish I could watch for hours at a time.

While I marinated, sweaty, in my bed of sickness, waiting for Kamel to return with our small bundle of germs, I almost felt the same as I did in that hotel room in Mexico 10 years ago.  Listening to the semi far away gentle music, in a bath robe, with no pants. I almost felt fancy.


Here and There and Everywhere

I have some more things to share. Just snippets here and there. First! Weekend-ing will be returning. There may be weekends where all you see are piles and piles of used kleenex, I’m not going to lie. But also maybe some good family moments. Speaking of photographing stuff. I am now showing but it is different than last time. Last time it was like my bump popped out of me like a perfectly round ball was pushing against my tummy skin. This time it sort of oozed forth. Like, if I tried I could still hide it, but only sort of. Mostly I feel wide and like a duck. Not cute and pregnant. Maybe cute and pregnant is reserved for first...


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Things, January

Way back in December I colored my hair a bit. I got balayage, where they paint the coloring onto your hair, so no foil. And I got a subtle ombre look. Kind of like I spent the month on vacation somewhere beach side. I was at work and looking at photos of celebrities when I realized that if I could be anyone on the planet, dress like anyone, style myself like anyone, it would probably be Rita Ora.  And then I spent an afternoon kicking my younger self for not being more brazen with my look, not taking more risks with hair color or makeup, not being the inner artistic renegade that hides beneath my soccer mom exterior. Because now I have to...


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Slouching Towards Bethlehem: A Review

Oh hello book lovers! Fancy seeing you here… in my world where I have totally neglected you. How embarrassing. But I have not forgotten and I have finished the reading list. Only this and 1 other to go and I am finally complete with this little experiment. More book loving and reviewing and reading to come, I promise. But only once I can be relied upon to make a deadline. Anyways, on to the point. Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion is one of her best known works and one I had only read excerpts from in grad school. It’s a collection of essays about the free love era and the hippy movement in San Francisco. I love Didion...


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Starting the Second Trimester for the Last Time

I keep thinking about having more children…. or not. In my ideal world I would love pregnancy and then I would live on some amazing plot of land in a giant house and have a writing studio from which I could watch my beautiful gaggle grow and play. It would also be in a city. And everyone would have amazing jobs and there would be amazing schools and walkable grocery stores and farmer’s markets. Perhaps I would also paint and enjoy gardening. Ideal worlds are fantasies of fantasies. Back in the REAL WORLD. Here are a few realities: – The idea of KNOWING that I get my body back forever and ever (until it betrays me in old...


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Oh Martyrdom

I feel overly sacrificial lately. Sharing my body, needing to be places, do things, put on the good face for others. The holidays, once you are a grown up, become about compromise. Would I have enjoyed spending the entire 2 week holiday hubub securely placed in bed? Staring at the wall? Doing nothing but getting up to pee every hour? Yes. Yes I would. What did we do instead? Had people in town, hosted and attended various Christmas celebrations, played tourist, bought a lot of cheese, ate a lot of cookies, ran errands, went to restaurants, and on and on. Good things, exhausting things, some things I didn’t feel like doing at all, but...


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Closing out 2014

Oh my goodness this year. This year of TRANSITION in all caps. We often try and do as much as possible in just 1 year and it sends me in a spiraling loop some days, while other days it invigorates me into superhero-level productivity. I CAN CONQUER THE WORLD! Except when I can’t and I am a puddle on the floor. What were your goals for 2014? How did you do? Don’t be too hard on yourself, LIFE is a goal, just the daily grind and getting through it awards you two thumbs up. Everything else is icing on the gravy. Last year I had so many things to say and so many feels and I was a lost puppy with the big wide world of a fresh start...


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Who the hell is she?


I am a writer living in Seattle and I believe that life is a grand adventure and only boring if you believe it to be. Plus! You don't need money to have fun.

I live with my husband, a photographer by education and a maker-of-video-games by trade, and a baby named gabe in an apartment on the hill.

I am romantic about most things and I cry... about almost anything. I tell stories to entertain you, I spread stories to keep you in the loop. I am not a grammar freak, but I do know how to spell it. I am exceedingly proud of my scrambled eggs and I really could eat an entire pan of cupcakes. If I met me, I would be my best friend. I tend to be irreverent.

If you would like to chat with me or see what else I'm up to you can follow me on Twitter (betterinrealife), on facebook, or email me at betterinrealife at gmail.